I dream.

Of a few things.
First, that my children will be healthy and happy. That they will find the one thing that can make them truly happy.

Second, that we will someday have a "real" job that will allow us to buy a house with a real yard. I want a big old rambler with a yard big enough to have a garden and a tree fort/playhouse while still leaving plenty of room for a game of baseball. And a dog. We need a dog.

I want to teach my kids at home. And I want us to be able to do things as a family. I want to be able to take my kids on vacations that will allow them to experience new things and learn to see things in a new light.

I know I won't get these things anytime soon. And some of it may never happen. And that's okay. But I'm coming to realize that having a dream is still a good thing. I want to have goals. I want to have something to work for. I think it's important.

It's been a long day. And the nxt 15 will be even longer I'm sure. We have to have the entire place packed up, cleaned, and ready to rent by the beginning of June. Before we leave for WI. We have so much to do. And yet, there doesn't seem to be much help coming. I should just resign myself to doing it alone. I'll probably have to anyway. That's the way it goes around here.
I'm a little frustrated by it all. But hey-I picked the guy right?
He's playing with his cousin and brother right now. Online. WOW. He's giong to finish the laundry and organize the garage before he comes to bed tonight. It's already 10pm. Usually they'll play until 11-12pm (they're two hours ahead of us). So...interruptation? He'll play until 12pm, force himself to do a half @$$ job with the garage, get frustrated, come to bed REALLY late, sleep, expect me to get up with the girls and let him sleep in, leaving me to take care of the girls all day while finishing packing all the clothes, moving boxes down to the garage, and in all likelihood--trying to figure out a better way to organize the garage. Oh-and I'll have to put together boxes so I can pack up the stuff in the kitchen, bathrooms, and closets.
All well trying to figure out what he'll need here, what we'll need to take to wausau, and what we should put into storage.
I'm making myself frustrated already.
He made a pretense of "asking" if it was okay. Of course, he followed up the "is it okay" with "It's not like I ask to do this all the time' and "I already told him I could." Oh....and "He just needs someone to talk to him" "They're having problems" and "things will get done here" "Don't worry" "I'll do it". And so on...and on...and on.
All things I've heard before. I guess that's really the problem. It was the same thing last time we moved. And the time before. Sure. It all gets done. At the last minute. When I'm so stressed I can't see straight. Add to that the fact that we have TWO little kids running around in the middle of this mess...and no one to watch them for us (at all. Or at least...not without paying $10 an hour! Which we just don't have right now!). They don't need this. And I don't know how he expects it to all get done if he's sitting on his computer.
I need to go to bed. At least I can get a good nights sleep. Maybe Cady will help me pack tomorrow :) And I'm sure Dori can throw stuff in a box too. I'll get it all done.

Eventually.