Sometimes...

I wish I could tell people how I really feel. I wish I could articulate what I feel clearly without getting upset more than I already am.
For example, I wish I could explain to my dh how much it hurts that he constantly disapears when we're talking online. Without explination. All the time. Almost everytime. It makes me feel small, and unimportant to him. Like I'm some annoying friend that can just be ignored. I mean, for some people, it's not a big deal. They'll see each other later. But our time online together is all we have right now. That's it.
I understand that he likes to multitask and "talk" to me while he's online with his cousin, his brother, and whoever else is online. I know that WoW is his social life...and I've come to terms with his time on it while we're together. And I"m okay with it most of the time. But right now, I really feel like his social life is more important to him than staying in touch with me and the girls is. And it really hurts. It's only been 2 weeks (well...16 days), and I can already feel some distance there (and it's not just the physical distance anymore). I really feel like he's stopped talking to me.

Well, my days are passing fairly quickly. I think it will move more smoothly once we establish more of a routine. Summer is always hard on schedules :) I'm still sort of thinking of looking into some sort of scheduled activity for Cady. Maybe a tumble class or swim lessons or a dance class. I think it would be good for her to get out and excercise during the fall and winter months. I guess I'll start looking for something in Sept.
I have a lot of things coming up soon. I'm going to be helping Jeff and Kay at the Oaks Open golf tournament on the 2nd. And then I have Heather coming up for the weekend on the 9th :) I think we're going to do some scrapbooking. Or at least have some good movies to watch.


I am so craving a Thin Mint Blizzard right now....just saying.


I think the girls are sick. Or at least have upset tummies. Dori spitup/threw up yesterday and Cady had a really, really bad nasty and disgusting diaper. It was so gross....
I feel bad for her. She came upstairs and was like "I need a new diaper. I pooped Mommie" and boy did she ever! Yuck.

We're having chicken for dinner. Should be good :) Although, everything here is good. Nola is such a good cook. I'm going to be so spoiled by the time brandon comes back. I'm not sure how well I'll adjust to doing all the cooking again. Although, in all honesty, I kind of miss it. I like making food and watching my family eat and enjoy it. I can't wait until we have our own house with a place we can all sit down and eat together....
Sigh. Someday :D

I'm tired of talking. It's hard to be the only one that's talking. And that's how I feel sometimes. I know that a big part of it is that you just don't have anything to talk about. And you've never been that great about talking on the phone (at least, not with me). I'm not sure why that is or it will change once your back in classes and busy again. I guess I forgot how monosyllabic you are on the phone. Or online. You always use the shortest answers. And you take so long to reply. You say you aren't doing anything, but part of me feels like your mind is elsewhere. And I don't know how to reach you. But then maybe I'm imagining things. I know you love me. I know that you will never hurt me intentionally. And I know that you don't want anything between us. I guess maybe it's just an adjustment phase. I'm not used to being apart from you and i know that it'll take a long time for me to adjust. Of course, it will help once you're able to visit on a regular basis. I know I'll feel better knowing when you'll be here...how many days until you get here....etc...

I love you so much. I miss you everyday.

I miss you. It's only been two days since you left and yet it seems like months. I don't know how well I'll keep it all together until Sept. That's nearly 3 weeks in July, 4 weeks in August and then, how many weeks until you can come in September?
I'm flying to NH on the 1st. And I will be gone until the 8th. Then, it's Harley weekend on the 10th. I'll be busy helping your parents then. So that's the first two weeks down. And I'm not sure if there's a time when you can come after that. I don't know the school schedule.
And that's already 9 weeks apart. It's so long. So far away.
I'm already desperate for your touch. I long for your kisses and the caress of your hands. I ache to have you hold me.
You never miss something until it's gone. I'm hoping that we'll never forget this time apart and we'll always remember what it feels like to be seperated. To be kept apart. To long for each other. To miss someone and be missed so much it hurts physically.
I am so blessed to have found you and to be loved by you. I know how rare a gift our relationship is. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know why we chose this path and I know that it will help us in the years to come. I love you so much! I'm so proud of all you do and that you're doing it all for us. It's amazing to see how incrediable you are at being a family man. I'm so proud of all you've learned and how much you grown as a person. I love you. Just the way you are.
I love you more each day. You are a wonderful husband and an even better father. I love you!!
Kisses!